The Rebel

[makuha ka sa tingin]

I reached work, swiped my badge and the lever went up allowing me passage to the permit parking at work. I have been parking here on this particular parking lot (we have three different lots) for nearly 10 years now.

Only today did I realize something.

Only today did I notice it.

The rebel buried inside of me is still there. The rebel that dominated my teenage years - albeit operating under the radar - still exists. That it comes out and controls me sometimes.

I am a grown woman. Old is what I think of me on days when my body hurts like hell as I get up in the cold winter mornings. And this grown woman has made peace with the sensible, responsible one that now controls this shell that people see as me.

This sensible responsible side of me has always managed to go 60 mph when the limit asks for 65. The same one that wouldn't cut the line even when others do in my face. It's the same one that let all this slide by.

Today, however, I was totally caught unaware while it was happening. Instinct. Gut. Muscle memory. I attributed it to all those things.

But you know what? It was the rebel inside of me that did it. That made it happen.

It was the rebel in me that blatantly disobeyed the rule. The rebel without remorse ignored the sign.

As I entered the parking lot, there was a huge arrow sign that directs the cars where to go. The arrow sign wanted me to drive up and park closer to the building. I don't like parking there. I always park closer to the exit. The rebel disregarded the sign and went against the conventional and sensible thinking.

I parked where I usually park, by the wall nearest to the exit.

And then I realized that I was bad. The parking attendant was there eyeing me as I hang a right to get to my spot. He was there looking at me as I got out of the car and walked towards the building. I yelled greetings and he replied. He did not say anything about the arrow sign at all.

As I walked past him and towards the building, I smiled.

I smiled because I felt the presence of the little rebel. She's still there inside me somewhere.

I hope she continues to pop up sometimes. Otherwise, life would be so boring.

[written on 10/22/10]