That's It. Close the Book

A couple of days ago I received this nofitication from Yahoo. It reads:

As part of our continuing effort to provide you with a wonderful Yahoo! Mail experience, we want to make sure the mail you send gets to the friends, family or other contacts you are trying to reach. In support of this commitment, we have removed Yahoo! email addresses from your address book that are no longer valid. All other information remains part of your address book.

There were only 2 invalid addresses that they list. One is from my h.s. bff who is connected somehow on FB. The other is a friend of mine who died last year in childbirth.

It saddens me when I got the notice that her email is no longer valid. I don't know why I thought that an inactive email would be kept valid for all these months. I just felt that that's the end of it all. I never deleted her emails to me, although there weren't many. Occassionally she would remember me and would poke me with an e-mail or we would find each other online on FB and we would chat.

The last thing I remember before her death was that she was very pregnant and I even inquired about her delivery date. Apparently, against doctor's orders, she went ahead and carried the baby full term. No one was speaking among her friends, who also happens to be my friends. I didn't dig deep enough, maybe I would have found out. But I was trying to be sensitive and let them grieve.

While I was in Mexico two weeks ago undergoing some fertility treatments, I dreamed about her. I cannot remember the exact details of the dream, but I woke up agitated in the middle of the night, thankfully the hubby didn't wake up.

I was afraid that the dream meant I shouldn't be allowed to carry a baby, or face the same fate as my friend. It scared me.

I missed my friend. She looked up to me. Before she was my friend, I was her guidance counselor. She was my favorite student, and she knew it and played it to the hilt.

I missed my friend.

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