Lately

Lately, my emotional and mental "muscles" have been getting a lot of work out. I don't like it. I mean, I've tried to live simply, want few things, and completely remove "hate" from my vocabulary. But when I say, I "hate" this dish, that doesn't count, because I really don't "hate" it, I simply don't like it as much.

Why do these muscles get a work out you ask?

Well it came about because of social interaction, what else could be the cause, right? Sometimes you expect too much of people and you know they won't follow through. Other times you don't expect anything at all and the action from the other person is still the same.

What I'm getting at is I can only control what my reactions, my emotions, my side of the fence.

I can't tell you why I got a rise from this past incident. I expected the action from the other person, but the reaction on my part is more than I expected, or thought was capable of voicing out to my husband.

I was totally pissed off. I got mad.

I don't like getting pissed off. I hate getting mad.

I've tried to weed out negativity in my life. Those lingering negatives that sometime just can't be weeded out, I try to limit my exposure to it/them to a minimum.

Moving forward, I don't know how I'd react. My husband is not one to quibble about my improprieties. If I'm getting out of line, being a jerk or a douche bag, he'd be the first to call me out. This time, he didn't peep when I started ranting. And boy did I rant. (Haven't done it in a while so I was out of practice too.)

Could it be that I wasn't out of line at all?

I just don't think I'd be able to summon another Oscar-worthy performance of nonchalance when I come face to face with negativity. Time, that's what I need. Time to forget that I'm pissed. Time to forget what a selfish jerk some people are. Time to fully understand what's growing in the other side of the fence. Time to convince myself that this negativity is a challenge the world throws at me to rock my boat once in a while.